AHEIAID Chapter 18: Poop Scooper Is Hitting People!

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ANNOUNCEMENT

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Are there gods in this world?

Not necessarily.

Garius had no faith in human religions or other beliefs.

He only trusted logic and wisdom.

Stripping away the thick filter of mysticism that the Ottomans had once applied to ancient Earth and its people, to Garius, humans were not "humans"—they were merely an ancient and fragile species.

Having now seen their true nature firsthand, he wouldn't deny that humans could be adorable, obedient, and pleasing to have around.

But he never once regarded the human before him, the one who called himself Joey, as his equal or as a citizen of Ottoman, despite the fact that their genetic similarity was as high as 8%.

He kept him.

He cared for him.

He provided protection and indulgence.

The former was a duty, the latter, a personal preference.

Garius made this distinction very clearly. That was why, even if he slept with a human in his arms, showed his true self, or engaged in behaviors that, among his own kind, would be considered excessively intimate and outright detestable—

—when it came to his pet, it simply didn’t matter.

Would a person care about maintaining proper etiquette in front of their pet cat or dog?

Would they be self-conscious about whether their smile was refined enough or if their gestures maintained a respectful distance?

Of course not!

So when Garius pressed down on that tiny pair of underwear and ordered Joey to lower his hands, he naturally didn’t find the act indecent or have any inappropriate thoughts.

He genuinely did not understand why his little pet was clutching onto his underwear for dear life and refusing to let him apply the medicine.

However—

Joey did not see it that way!

Sure, he’d agreed to play pet in order to survive, but in his mind, he was still an independent young man of the new society!

And the man in front of him—Garius—

He did not have the grotesque form of an alien monstrosity.
Other than being too tall, too good-looking, and having slightly different-colored eyes, he was—

HE WAS A MAN, DAMN IT!!!

What kind of man pulls down another man’s underwear after knowing him for less than a month?!

“Let go. Be good.”

“N-NO NO NO——”

Garius' brows slowly furrowed, his voice dropping a notch, now laced with authority.

“Joey!”

“No—!”

Joey clutched onto his tiny underwear as if his life depended on it, his wide eyes filled with sheer terror as he stared at the poop scooper before him. Stammering, he loudly refused in a messy mix of the little Ottoman he had just learned and his native Earth language.

“No, I—myself—myself—OK, myself OK!”

“You’re injured. I need to check and treat it to prevent infection.” Garius wasn’t convinced that his little pet could properly tend to his own wounds, and leaving them exposed to fabric friction would only cause more pain.

“No, no, no—”

“Joey!”

Since adopting this little creature, this was the first time Garius had been defied. The cold and strikingly handsome man's face darkened, and in one swift motion, he pinned Joey’s shoulders and hands down. The overwhelming difference in strength left Joey completely defenseless as he was yanked away.

And then—

“Smack! Smack!”

Two sharp slaps landed on Joey’s butt.

Joey froze.

His wide, teary eyes stared blankly at Galius.

Y-you… hit me?

Poop scooper, how dare you hit me?!

I’M GONNA FIGHT YOU, YOU BASTARD!

At first, his butt cheeks only felt numb. Then, a slow, crawling pain—like a thousand tiny insects biting or the aftershock of anesthesia wearing off—shot straight up his spine and exploded in his skull!

Anyone who ever got "bamboo shoot stir-fried meat" from their parents as a child knew—butts might look fleshy, but getting smacked there hurt like hell!

Joey clutched his butt, eyes welling up from the sting. Gritting his teeth, he was just about to launch himself at this bastard poop scooper when—

Whoosh—

His world flipped.

Before he could react, Garius pinned him down again, moved at a speed faster than the naked eye could catch, sprayed the wound, stuck on a pink flower-patterned healing patch, and then—swish!—pulled Joey’s tiny underwear back up.

Treatment: complete.

Garius grabbed a disinfecting wipe, casually cleaned his hands, then lowered his golden-green eyes to look at the now completely stiff, ghost-white, petrified Joey, who was still frozen mid-struggle, his little hands raised in a pawing motion like he was about to scratch someone.

Garius’ lips curled into a smirk.

Joey: ……

What are you smiling at?!

Are you laughing at me?

Or are you laughing at my little brother?!

Joey, humiliated beyond belief, clenched his fists, eyes turning red with wounded pride.

I’M GONNA SHANK HIM. I SWEAR TO GOD, I’M GONNA SHANK HIM!

The system wiped imaginary sweat off its brow: [Calm down, calm down.]

CALM DOWN MY ASS!

Joey: From this moment on, I’m cutting ties with this garbage poop scooper! WE’RE DONE! Cold war starts NOW!

The system muttered under its breath: [That’s about all you can do anyway…]

Joey: What the hell did you just say?!

[Ahem, nothing. Nothing at all.]

Hmph!

Joey smacked away Garius’ outstretched hand that was trying to pull him in for a hug. Under the man’s raised-eyebrow gaze, Joey pouted, covered his poor abused butt, and limped over to the couch.

He plopped himself down, back turned to Garius, teeth clenched against the pain.

Even his natural curls had straightened out from sheer rage.

Meanwhile, Garius returned to his desk. He watched the pouting, sulking little human’s back, the amusement in his golden-green eyes growing deeper and deeper.

Hmm. Humans seem even cuter when they’re mad.

For the first time, young Lord Heine found himself understanding the mischievous delight of pet owners who purposely tease their flustered pets.

A whole new door to pet interactions had just opened.

Nighttime.

Back at Heine Manor, the butler blinked at the sight of the young master walking ahead, followed closely by a human with an exceptionally stubborn expression.

Lucian, who had come forward to take his master’s coat, leaned in and whispered, “What happened, Lord Heine?”

Garius briefly explained.

The butler, stunned, then chuckled. “So he’s throwing a tantrum?”

Amused, he reached out to pat the little human’s head, but what surprised him more was Garius’ expression while recounting the story.

Their young master had always been a perfectionist—unyielding to himself and others.

Seated in his position of power, he had to be someone who planned a hundred steps ahead, left no room for mistakes, and served as both shield and spear for the empire.

Under such high self-expectations, life inevitably became exhausting.

Happiness and joy became luxuries locked behind glass cases.

Yet now, watching his master’s gradually increasing smiles, the butler couldn’t help but steal a few glances between the human and his master, then lean in and whisper a few words.

Garius paused for a few seconds, then said, “Lucian.”

“Yes, sir?”

“If you have more ideas like this, send them to me.”

“Understood, Lord Heine.”

Lucian smiled knowingly.

Dinner Time.

Joey held onto his grudge all the way until dinner.

Sticking to his principles, he sat at the dining table with a defiant look, mentally drawing a big imaginary line between himself and the poop scooper.

Rejecting Garius’ attempt to carry him to his seat, Joey carefully climbed up the chair himself, ensuring he didn’t tug on his injury.

However—

When his long-awaited meat stew and fruit juice were placed in front of Garius instead of him, Joey was stunned.

“Where’s my food?”

“That’s my dinner!”

Why was it placed in front of the poop scooper?!

Joey’s big, black eyes widened in disbelief.

And then—the bastard poop scooper gracefully picked up a silver spoon, scooped up a steaming, fragrant bite of meat stew, waved it right under Joey’s nose for a tantalizing second…

And then—swerved it back into his own mouth.

Joey: ……

WHAT.

THE.

HELL.

Are you rebelling, poop scooper?!

Watching the tiny human’s incredulous expression, Galius pressed his fingers against his forehead, chuckled, and said, “Give me a kiss here, and it’s yours, Joey.”

Joey: ……

Joey scoffed.

Hah! As if he’d stoop so low for a mere meal!

HAHAHAHA—

Garius took another bite.

Joey’s jaw dropped: ……You—you actually ate a pet’s food?!

You heartless monster! You soulless beast! You’re a person too, how could you—!

Garius scooped another bite.

Joey’s eyes instantly welled up: ……Noooo! Your mouth is too big! Mine is too small! If you keep eating, there’ll be nothing left! Nooooo!

Garius raised his spoon again—

Joey leaped off his chair in a frenzy: “I’LL KISS! DADDY, I’LL KISS!!!”

As the little human scrambled onto his lap and frantically pecked his brow, Garius’ smirk grew wider and wider—until, in front of the entire staff, he finally gave in to laughter.

Joey, clutching his food in tearful defeat: ……He’s turned evil. The poop scooper has turned into a manipulative bastard!

Meanwhile, the butler, watching his master’s rare, genuine laughter, simply smiled.

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