AHEIAID Chapter 5: Useless Owner, Might as Well Not Have One!

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ANNOUNCEMENT

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Chapter 1-79(End)🍊🍊🍊

When Joey woke up again, he was no longer in the forest.

He groggily opened his eyes and found himself lying on an overly cute pink princess bed, covered with an incredibly soft blanket. Taking a deep breath—

The scent of sun-baked dust mites filled his nostrils!

Joey smacked his lips.

He was hungry.

The pillow under his head was so soft that his head sank into it. Lifting the blanket, he peeked at himself—his worn-out, cheap pajamas and the salty stench of sweat were completely gone. He had been washed thoroughly and dressed in clean clothes.

Looking around, he noticed the room was decorated with yellow floral wallpaper, and the floor was covered with a plush carpet that extended to the walls. Black rabbit plushies were placed by the pillows, on the floor, and at the foot of the bed, making the space feel warm and cozy.

It was so cozy that his previous miserable life in the forest—where he had to eat grass to survive—felt like nothing more than a bad dream.

Expressionless, Joey lay on his back and stared at the pink canopy above his bed. In his mind, he called out: [Alright, I know you're there. Come out.]

Silence.

No response.

Huh?

Was there really no system? Was everything just his imagination?

Unconvinced, Joey tried again: [Hey, system? Sys-system? Sys—damn it, stupid system!]

The moment the word "stupid" left his thoughts, there was a crisp "ding!" in his brain. Then, a voice appeared—deep and gruff, sounding like an old man who smoked too much, and oddly, it had an accent.

[Tsk, I'm here, I'm here. What’s with all the yelling... This is System No. 222, at your service. If you’re lost in life, press 1. If you’re bored and want to chat, insert a coin. If you want to check your mission, just scroll down. What, are you blind or something, bro?]

Joey: […I’d like to file a complaint.]

System: […]

Are you serious?!

Three sentences in, and you’re already complaining?!

The smug, chain-smoking old man voice went silent for a moment before morphing into a whiny, weak little boy’s voice:

[B-but… that’s kinda cruel, bro. C’mon, let’s talk this out…]

Joey sneered and sat up, crossing his arms. [Why did I travel to another world? Talk! Was this your doing?]

System: [Uh… yes…]

Joey narrowed his eyes. [Hmm?]

System: […But also, no!]

Joey: [???]

System coughed awkwardly. [Okay, so here’s the deal. Your transmigration had nothing to do with us—it was a freak accident caused by an interdimensional collision. I, System No. 222, am part of the Endangered Creatures Protection Program. My job is to safeguard intelligent yet endangered beings that can't survive on their own in various worlds. The moment we detected an endangered species appearing in this realm, I was assigned to assist you!]

Oh~

So that’s how it is.

Joey praised it. [Wow, that’s actually kind of noble.]

The system puffed up with pride. [Of course, of course.]

But Joey still didn’t get it. [Okay, but why bind yourself to me? I’m not an endangered creature.]

System: [Uh… but you are.]

Joey: […]

System: [Humans went extinct a long time ago. This is millions of years into the future. You are the last human in this world—so rare and precious!]

Joey: […Did you just refer to me as a "specimen"? I'm a person, damn it! Also, what did you just say?! What happened to humanity?!]

[Extinct.]

[…]

[You're endangered now.]

[…]

[Also, you were captured by aliens.]

[…]

[And you’re about to be assigned an owner.]

Joey: […Say "la" one more time, and I’ll strangle you.]

Feeling wronged, the system shut up.

Meanwhile, Joey was too busy processing the apocalyptic news to care. His mind was a storm of thoughts—his past life as an average guy, his unimpressive one-pack abs (which were just pure belly fat), and the sudden realization that he had gone from eating chicken legs while scrolling on his phone to being the last damn human in existence.

He clutched his pounding heart.

This was too much. His blood pressure couldn’t take it.

As his vision blurred, he panicked. [System, am I dying?!]

System checked. [Oh, no, your eyes are just crusted with sleep gunk. Wipe them.]

Joey: […]

Joey wiped his eyes awkwardly, along with the greasy sheen on his face.

Once he calmed down, he started asking about the aliens, where he was, and what the hell a "caretaker" was supposed to be.

The system obediently explained:

It told him about humanity’s extinction, the rise of a new species called the Ottoman, their "human worship" culture, the structure of the Ottoman Empire, and his current situation.

[Basically, as the last human in the universe, you are their most prized possession. Even though your body is physically weak, you’ll live a life of luxury as a protected national treasure. Anything you want, you get. You’re rarer than a panda! Right now, they’re discussing who will be assigned as your caretaker. They might even find you a wife someday! You’re basically the ultimate winner in life.]

The system, proud of its mission, tried flattering him.

Joey, however, was unimpressed. [I want to go home. My parents are waiting for me. Can you send me back?]

System: [Yes.]

Joey: [Then—]

System: [But I won’t.]

Joey: […]

Silence.

Then, with a thud, Joey flopped back onto the bed and started blowing spit bubbles, staring lifelessly at the ceiling.

His soul left his body.

He wanted to die.

Seeing his host so utterly devastated, the system sighed. [Alright, alright. It’s not completely impossible.]

Joey immediately sat up, wiping his drool. [Oh? My dear system, do tell!]

[It’s simple.] The system smirked. [You just need to leave behind at least two offspring in this world.]

[…You mean, have kids?!]

[Yep. Have kids.]

Joey deflated. [But… where am I supposed to find a wife?]

[Pfft, what’s so hard about that?] The system nudged him. [You’re not just a random guy anymore—you’re an endangered species! The empire will assign you a wife.]

Joey’s eyes lit up.

Hell yeah! If all they needed was his DNA, then boom—two kids, job done!

He clenched his fist in determination.

For the sake of going home—if he had to act cute, he’d do it. Hell, if he had to sell himself, so be it!

Just then, the walls in front of him slid open.

Three tall figures stood in the doorway.

The man in front was especially striking—broad shoulders, long golden hair, cold green eyes, sharp features, and an imposing presence.

The moment he met his gaze, Joey shuddered all over.

He and the system swallowed hard in unison.

His eyes couldn’t help but drift to the top of the man’s head.

That golden, wavy hair—thick like ocean waves—was threaded through with a ruby forehead ornament, and it was so stunningly dense and beautiful that it almost hurt Joey’s poor dog eyes!

Joey: …

Joey: Holy crap, he’s not balding!? And he’s this ridiculously handsome!

Dog system, are you sure that these "New Humans" evolved from the old ones?

This guy isn’t even from the same dimension as me!

As he watched the iceberg-like supermodel of a man glance down at him with a natural air of superiority before turning slightly to speak to his assistant, Joey quickly asked the system what they were saying.

Weren’t the Ottoman people supposed to admire humans? Heh, were they praising him, perhaps?

After all, he was about to be "kept" by this guy—wasn’t this basically a sugar baby situation? Faced with such a god-tier sponsor, Joey couldn’t help but feel a little bashful.

But after three seconds of silence, the system replied: "…He said you have cavities."

Joey: “…”

System: "Uh, three of them, actually."

Joey’s smile froze: “…………”

Damn it.

Trash owner, forget it! I don’t need you!

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