AHEIAID Chapter 42: I’m Afraid He Might Glitch
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It was a quiet afternoon.
As usual, Joey received a shiny piece of candy from his doctor after his routine medical check-up. He obediently sat still, allowing the doctor to examine him.
Ever since Garius took him in, Joey was aware of his uniqueness among the Ottomans—he knew he was a rare and endangered species, practically a "precious beast" in their eyes.
But in reality, he never felt that special.
He didn’t interact with many people.
The ones he did see were either the disciplined staff of Sector 13, who—despite their curiosity—would never break protocol to fawn over him, or the servants and Lucian, the butler of Garius' estate.
And those servants, deeply respectful of Garius, naturally extended that respect to Joey. Their willingness to cater to his every need wasn’t out of fanatical devotion—it was simply due to their loyalty to Garius.
In short, the vast "Heine umbrella" that protected Joey from external threats also shielded him from the outside world’s reactions to his existence.
So while he had no real sense of how the world saw him…
The world was watching him very, very closely.
Joey had no idea that his mere existence had prompted the Ottomans Empire to introduce a Human Protection Law.
He had no clue that across Ottomans and its affiliated planets, a global forum and official fan club had been created—dedicated solely to him.
Nor did he know that the doctors who examined him every month, those seemingly friendly and youthful professionals, weren’t just regular doctors…
They were PhDs from the Biological Research Institute.
These "doctors" weren’t just taking notes. They were photographing and documenting his health updates, which were then uploaded to the Institute’s official website to report Joey’s well-being to the public.
Every update triggered an explosion of excitement among his fanbase.
Countless fanatics would flood the comment section with delirious joy, screaming:
"SO CUTE! TOO CUTE! I WANNA SQUEEZE HIM!!!"
"LET ME WORSHIP HIM!"
"I NEED TO BREATHE THE SAME AIR AS HIM!"
But this month…
On the usual "content release day," devoted fans had already gathered in anticipation, their heads raised like baby birds waiting to be fed…
Only to receive NOTHING.
Not a single photo.
Not a single update.
Nothing.
—And the panic began.
【What’s going on? Did the website crash? It’s already past the usual time, and there’s nothing!】
【Maybe the human was shy and refused to cooperate?】
【Impossible! My sweet baby is a perfect angel! He’s so obedient he practically drips honey! …Wait.What if he’s sick???】
【F*ck, don’t jinx it! I'M SCARED.】
【AHHH ME TOO, DON’T SAY THAT! GRANDPA CAN’T HANDLE SUCH A TRAGEDY—】
Taking care of your beloved little cutie is something you should do yourself. Watching someone else do it just never feels quite right—or reassuring.
Without their regular updates, the countless human fans started spiraling into panic, their minds flashing through endless horror scenarios.
They were terrified.
What if—after already having gone extinct once—this fragile human had been accidentally killed while being taken care of?!
The official website was instantly flooded with desperate pleas, threats, and full-blown meltdowns:
—Crying.
—Screaming.
—Throwing themselves at the floor in despair.
But what they didn’t know was this—
The doctor had done the check-up.
Joey had cooperated.
And the results?
Perfect.
Mother and baby were safe and healthy.
Joey: …………
Doctor: …………
The young, successful, not-yet-bald, sharp-eyed doctor—who could see a woman’s fake eyelashes from 800 meters away—stared at the report in his hand.
His smile froze.
He double-checked the results.
Then triple-checked them.
Nope. He wasn’t hallucinating. His brain was fine. His eyesight was definitely working.
Slowly, he raised his head—his gaze meeting that of the young District Leader and the stunned human beside him.
His mind raced, and suddenly, cold sweat broke out across his back.
Holy f*ck.
I think I just uncovered a classified, world-shaking secret.
…Am I going to get silenced for this?!
The doctor licked his lips nervously and tried to slip away.
“Uh… so…”
But before he could take another step—
“This report stays with me.”
A deep, commanding voice rang out.
The moment the doctor spoke, Garius cut in.
His overwhelming authority and natural dominance made it sound less like a suggestion and more like an absolute decree.
“Y-yes! Of course!”
A human… was pregnant.
And it had happened right under Lord Heine’s nose—this possessive, controlling, information-obsessed man.
There was no way this kid wasn’t his.
Even the doctor wouldn’t believe it if Garius denied it!
“…You, uh… might want to personally call Director Lerv from the Biological Institute,” the doctor suggested in a low voice. “This… is kinda out of my jurisdiction.”
Garius nodded. “I know. Just do as you’re told.”
He then tilted his head slightly—a subtle signal to Lucian.
The butler immediately understood.
Though Lucian was still caught up in the excitement of witnessing the birth of the third-generation Heine, his professional instincts kicked in.
He flashed a polite but subtly threatening smile, ushering the doctor out while also… reminding him of the importance of keeping his mouth shut.
By the time the poor doctor left, his legs were shaking so badly he could barely walk.
Lucian, however, was beaming as he strolled toward the kitchen.
"Heheh~ Time to prepare some extra nutritious meals!"
The young mistress had gotten pregnant so quickly, and since his human physique was weaker than an Ottoman’s, they needed to increase his nutritional intake ASAP.
…Yes. More food.
Just prepare everything.
———
Meanwhile.
The room fell into an almost eerie silence after the doctor left.
The two first-time fathers, despite having mentally prepared for this moment countless times, sat stiffly side by side—
Neither of them saying a word.
Joey stared blankly ahead, his arms wrapped protectively around his stomach.
A child…? Inside his belly?
A child.
A. Child.
His mind went completely blank.
Then, suddenly—
HOLY SH*T I CAN ACTUALLY GET PREGNANT?!?!
NO. NO. NO.
I CAN’T HANDLE THIS. I REFUSE.
His brain turned into a wild stampede of horses, galloping through the endless grasslands of denial.
His emotions were all over the place—
Excitement? Maybe.
Joy? Ehhhhh…?
If anything, his emotions were more complicated than anything else.
Meanwhile, his system was going absolutely feral—
Fireworks.
Confetti.
A full-on festival inside Joey’s brain.
【CONGRATULATIONS, HOST! Not only did you gain a cute lil’ baby—】
【But!!! Your dad’s favorability just went UP!!! He’s at 85 now!!!】
【Woohoo!】
【…Host?】
The system waited for a response.
Nothing.
It turned toward Joey, only to find its dumbass host sitting there, mouth hanging open, his soul leaving his body.
His face?
A mix of horror, disbelief, and "what-the-f*ck-did-you-just-say".
System: …
The system twitched.
【…Come on. It’s just a kid. Look at your dad—he’s totally calm.】
Joey snapped out of it.
And laughed coldly.
“Calm?”
He turned to Garius, expression blank.
Then.
SMACK.
With a loud slap, Joey palmed Garius’ forehead.
A red mark instantly appeared on the man’s pale, aristocratic skin.
But Garius didn’t even blink.
He simply continued staring at the report—
Completely.
Utterly.
Frozen.
…Thirty seconds passed.
Then.
He slowly turned his head.
With a serious, solemn expression, his deep voice flat and steady—
(So steady, it was obviously fake.)
He said:
“…Are you hungry?”
Joey: …………
Joey took a deep breath.
He turned to the system, smiling.
“This is what you call calm? Hm?”
“Thirty. Second. Delayed. Calm?”
System: ……
Joey’s smile widened.
“Oh hohoho.”
“Sooooo calm, huh? I swear, if I slap him again, he might just glitch.”
System: …
System: 【……Yeah. I f*cked up.】
(Note to self: Every man turns into a dumbass once their wife gets pregnant.)
(Especially this one.)
T/N: Please give support on my ko-fi page, thank you🍊🍊🍊
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