AHEIAID Chapter 36: Confirmed, Absolute Dumbass
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Having confirmed such a joyous event, Joey wasn’t going anywhere.
He excitedly dug out his notebook from his little nest, grabbed a pen, and seriously began drafting a list of things needed for raising a child.
Joey’s logic was simple—since he was the only human in the world, Garius would have to opt for genetic reproduction.
And if it was genetic reproduction, they’d need to extract blood or some other material from his body. Hmm… would that hurt?
Eh, technology is super advanced in this billion-year-later era—it probably won’t.
Then, a doctor would take those materials and use a specialized baby incubation system to “give birth” to his two little ones. Once Garius sorted out the payments and paperwork—
He could take his babies back home!
Hahaha, this was way too easy!!
Seeing Joey so lost in his fantasies, his system poured cold water on him: [Why do I feel like things won’t go as smoothly as you think?]
Joey dismissed it. “Pfft, you sound outdated. Haven’t you watched any movies? In super-advanced civilizations, everything happens fast. Who knows, maybe poof—my kids will be running around in no time!”
[……]
The system decided to stay silent.
But something about Joey’s conversation with Garius earlier gave it a weird, indescribable feeling.
Joey, however, was completely unbothered. The more he thought about it, the more impatient he became—he wished he could drag Garius to the hospital right now!
The eager puppy tossed his notebook aside, scampered over to Garius, and climbed onto the man’s lap.
Under Garius’s indulgent and affectionate gaze, Joey squirmed and whined.
“Garius~~~”
“When are we going~~~”
“When are we going~~~~~”
His little curly head, scented with chamomile, rubbed against Garius’s chin repeatedly—a usual trick of his, but surprisingly effective.
Garius stopped working. His icy expression began to thaw, and a gentle smile surfaced.
His beloved pet had become his beloved person. Because of certain reasons, he had accepted this transition rather quickly.
And he was certain—since they had just "confirmed their feelings," Joey must feel the same way as he did.
They wouldn't want to be apart even for a second.
“What do you want?”
With his heart brimming with sweetness, Garius tightened his arms around the restless little human, resting his sharp jawline atop Joey’s fluffy head and inhaling his familiar scent.
He wasn’t good at sweet words, so all he could do was hold Joey tight and show him—I will give you anything you want.
No matter what.
I can’t refuse you.
“Two! Two!!”
Joey’s eyes lit up at the question. He quickly held up two fingers, eagerly urging and hinting at Garius.
Where’s the promised two babies?
Why aren’t we moving yet?!
He wiggled out from under Garius’s chin, his big black puppy eyes filled with anticipation as he stared up at the man.
But unexpectedly, upon seeing Joey’s hand gesture, the ever-composed Garius showed a rare expression of surprise—
And then, all of a sudden, he chuckled.
Joey: ???
You’re laughing? holy shit, are you trying to back out?!
The moment Joey realized that Garius had tricked him, he grabbed the man’s collar with both hands. His eyes squinted, his mouth twisted, and he did his best to pull off a Don’t mess with me, I’m a badass expression.
Staaare—
Anyone who goes back on their word… is dead meat!
“This isn’t urgent. We just started, Joey. I should give you more time to prepare.” Garius chuckled after a moment, his tone soothing.
In his mind, normal relationships always started with a period of courtship—sweet and romantic. His little Joey deserved that too.
Besides…
Garius added, “You and me… it will be painful.”
Painful? Wait—does this mean it’s not just a simple blood draw? Are they going to extract bone marrow or something?!
Ah, whatever! If it means going home sooner, so be it!
Joey patted his chest, full of confidence. “I’m not afraid of pain!”
But Garius frowned slightly, clearly disagreeing. “We still need to prepare. There’s no rush.”
Taking Joey to bed so quickly would be completely unacceptable for the ever-disciplined Lord Heine.
Not to mention, without proper preparation, there was no way it wouldn’t hurt. In the end, Joey would definitely cry—maybe even throw a fit.
Garius was a true gentleman.
His overwhelming fatherly love practically poured out of the screen. But Joey, the dumbass, had no idea.
Hearing Garius say there’s no rush, Joey immediately panicked. He scrunched up his nose stubbornly and stammered, “I—I’m in a hurry!”
Garius: ……
Joey’s expression turned fierce. “Super. Hurry!”
Garius: ……
…Wait. Do humans have heat cycles too?
Lord Heine stared at the small creature so adamant about having kids and fell into silence.
After much arguing, bargaining, and absolutely shameless reasoning, Joey finally convinced Garius to set the baby-making date for next month, on the first, at exactly 6:00 PM.
Yes, you read that right—not only did he get a set date, but this dumbass even scheduled the exact time.
Puffing out his chest like he had won a battle, Joey gloated: How about that! I’m a damn genius at negotiating!
The system hesitated: [There’s something I’m not sure I should say…]
Joey: “Hmm?”
System: [So, there was this guy…]
Joey: ?
System: […who went to a restaurant and ordered a meal. When it was time to pay, the owner told him the total was 180 bucks. The guy immediately panicked and started arguing, negotiating, and fighting for a discount—until, in the end, he proudly paid 160 bucks and walked away, thinking he’d won.]
Joey blinked. “And then?”
System: [The owner had actually meant that the original price was 180, but the restaurant was running a promotion—so it was only 90.]
Joey burst out laughing. “HAHAHAHA, what an idiot!!”
The system looked at him fondly, thinking: Yeah… what a dumbass.
Sure, you think you won now. But just wait until you get absolutely wrecked and end up crying, ass bleeding—then we’ll talk.
Still, the system held back from warning him. After all, they were both just kids. Ahem. The host giving birth was just as valid…
With his hopeful ticket home firmly in hand, Joey felt fulfilled and content.
When he first arrived in this strange, far-future world, he spent countless sleepless nights staring at the ceiling.
He missed his family. His dreams.
Even though he had met Garius—someone so perfect, so utterly heart-fluttering—he still longed to return to the time and place that belonged to him.
But then, he realized—going home meant leaving Garius behind.
A pang of sadness struck him.
Memories flashed through his mind like a film reel—meeting Garius, secretly crushing on him, falling for him despite knowing it was impossible.
He knew Garius would never accept him. A pet becoming a lover? Not a chance.
So, he let go. He made peace with it.
He never imagined Garius as his boyfriend.
He just let the feelings quietly take root.
Not expecting anything made it less painful.
Their time together was warm, filled with wonderful moments he carefully collected—so that when he finally left, he’d still have something to hold onto on lonely nights.
As for Garius…
Joey sighed. Maybe he’ll be sad for a while. Maybe he’ll look for me. But time is a great healer. Sooner or later, he’ll forget about his lazy little pet.
And before long, another ‘Joey’ will take my place in that giant mansion.
…Sigh.
A deep sigh escaped Joey’s lips, his chest aching slightly.
A warm gaze landed on him.
Joey turned around—only to meet Garius’s golden-green eyes, half-lidded under thick, pale-gold lashes. They shimmered like an oasis in the desert, reflecting light, filled with hope.
So gentle, so deep—like a mirage, ready to pull him in and drown him.
“…Garius?”
“Mm.”
The man hummed softly, his lips—once deep red, now a lighter shade—dipping slightly.
A tiny motion.
A silent request for a kiss.
They had practiced this countless times in the dark of night.
But why was he asking for a kiss in broad daylight?
And why was Garius getting so much more affectionate lately?
Was this how Ottoman people treated their pets?!
Joey was baffled.
But thinking about all the kindness Garius had shown him—and the fact that he was leaving soon—he didn’t refuse.
Their lips touched, breaths mingled.
The kiss was long. So long that Joey felt embarrassed and kept his eyes shut the entire time.
Garius, however, kept watching—staring at every reaction.
The way Joey’s lashes trembled. The way his cheeks turned rosy. The tiny beads of sweat forming on his forehead…
Garius’s heart burned hotter.
He deepened the kiss, his cool, pale fingers tracing Joey’s heated skin, stroking his temple, tangling into soft curls as he cupped the back of his head.
Gentleman or not—Lord Heine was still an undeniably powerful male.
He savored the warmth of his lover. He savored the control of holding him close, not letting him escape.
When the kiss finally ended, they rested their foreheads together, chests rising and falling with their ragged breaths.
As the heat lingered, Garius chuckled softly. He lowered his head, pressing feather-light kisses along the corners of Joey’s lips.
Like a wild beast grooming its mate.
Lick.
Lick.
Each touch carried an unmistakable longing—a hint of scheming.
Testing his partner’s reaction, waiting for an opportunity to slip past those lips.
Joey: ……
Holy shit. Holy shit. This is way too intimate.
WHO THE HELL CAN RESIST THIS?!
Panicking, Joey shoved Garius away, quickly wiping his mouth. His neck and ears burned red.
Garius didn’t seem the least bit annoyed.
Still smiling, he simply picked Joey up, turned him around, and wrapped his arms around him from behind.
A glowing screen appeared before them.
Then, guiding Joey’s hand, Garius placed his fingertip onto the hovering light.
A red line circled under his touch, locking in the moment.
Year 762, September 15th.
Joey tilted his head, confused. “What’s this?”
Garius’s voice was deep, steady.
“…An anniversary.”
A lover’s anniversary.
T/N: Please give support on my ko-fi page, thank you🍊🍊🍊
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