BYBOTE Chapter 4: Hissing in Pain

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The situation was too dire. Luo Fei couldn’t even bother arguing with Xi Yanqing anymore. His top priority now was carving wooden shit stick!

He did consider using leaves, but it was winter, and all the trees in the north were bare. Fortunately, wood was easy to find—Huaping Village was surrounded by mountains, and every household stocked up on firewood for the winter. The biggest issue, however, was that the pieces he carved were full of splinters and far from smooth.

"Second Brother, what are you doing?" Luo Yi asked, watching his brother rush home and bury himself in the firewood shed.

"I’m… carving shit stick." Luo Fei had no idea if it was psychological, but he was already starting to feel like he needed to go.

"Aren’t there already some in the latrine?" Luo Yi looked puzzled. "Why make more?"

"There are only two! I need more. Xi Yanqing said it’s better to have separate ones." Luo Fei forced himself to lie and kept carving. He was starting to think he needed sandpaper too.

"You actually went to see Brother Xi? Mom thought you’d just sneak away and come back. What did he say? Did he talk about his time in the military? Tell me!" Luo Yi’s eyes lit up with curiosity.

"Military, my ass!" Luo Fei snorted, then noticed his father, Luo Tian, approaching. He immediately raised his voice, "I told him to cancel the engagement so he wouldn’t get laughed at for wearing a green hat. He said being laughed at is better than starving, and that he’s counting on my dowry to survive. Isn’t he asking for a beating?"

"You’re the one asking for a beating!" Smack! Luo Tian whacked his second son on the back of the head. "He was joking, you idiot. If he really wanted to leech off his in-laws, he wouldn’t have joined the army. Do you have shit for brains? How can you be so ungrateful?!"

"Dad! Can you stop hitting my head?!" Luo Fei rubbed the sore spot. His new father was huge—broad-shouldered and muscular. That smack definitely wasn’t light!

"If you don’t want to be hit, stop playing games. I might not be well-educated, but I’m not stupid. The moment I walked in, you raised your voice to badmouth Xi Yanqing. What exactly are you up to, huh?" Luo Tian patted the dust off his clothes. "Go pour me some water."

"Let Sibao do it! I’m busy!" Luo Fei kept carving furiously.

"What the hell are you doing?" Luo Tian frowned. Ever since his second son jumped into the river, he had been acting strangely.

"Making shit stick." Luo Fei muttered. "Xi Yanqing said it’s better to use your own. So I’m making one. But no matter how I carve it, it’s full of splinters. How do I smooth it out?"

"How? Just find a stone and grind it smooth." Luo Tian gulped down a bowl of water. "Where’s your mother?"

"She’s sorting vegetable seeds. She said she’d give some to Brother Xi. It’s almost planting season, and he doesn’t have anything to grow." Luo Yi said. "Dad, is Big Brother up in the mountains again?"

"Yeah." Luo Tian sighed. Ever since his eldest son lost his wife, he had become silent and withdrawn, always trying to open more farmland as if it could make up for everything.

Luo Yi got the answer, lowered his head without saying a word, and looked somewhat conflicted.

Luo Fei sensed the strange atmosphere and frowned as well.

No one in their family was well-educated. In the past, they couldn’t afford it, and later, when they had the means, they made sure that Luo Yi would go to school. But by the time Luo Yi was old enough to study, Luo Ji’s wife fell ill and was bedridden. All the money was spent on her treatment, so Luo Yi's education kept getting postponed.

Now, Luo Yi was already fourteen, and if things continued like this, who knew when he would finally get to study?

Luo Fei looked up at the sky, still feeling like he was in a dream. If not for the wooden piece in his hand that just scraped his skin, he might have thought he would wake up any second.

Frustrating!

At this rate, when would they ever get to use toilet paper?!

At that moment, Luo Fei's gaze unintentionally fell on the porcelain bowl in Luo Yi's hand. A sudden flash of inspiration struck him, and an idea popped into his mind like a light bulb turning on!

"Erbao, what are you looking at?" Luo Tian asked.

"I'm thinking… If we use a porcelain shard to scrape our butts, wouldn’t that prevent us from getting pricked?!" Luo Fei suddenly slapped his thigh. "That’s it! Why didn’t I think of this before? I’m such a genius!"

"Pfft!" Luo Tian smacked the back of Luo Fei’s head with his palm. "Genius, my ass! We only have one porcelain bowl in the house! The bowl I drink water from—you want to use it to wipe your butt?! You’re out of your mind!"

"Ahhh! Dad, Dad, Dad! I was just joking! Just joking! Ouch!" Luo Fei threw down what was in his hand and ran wildly around the yard. "Mom! Help! Ahhh!"—No way he wasn’t going to yell for help; his dad was really hitting him!

"Luo Tian!" Li Yuehua screeched in rage. "You keep saying I spoil him too much, but I think it's you who’s beating him wild! If you hit him again, I won’t let you off!"

"Mom, you love me the most!" Luo Fei shamelessly hid behind Li Yuehua. "Dad is too fierce!"

"Don’t be afraid, your dad is just scaring you. If he really wanted to beat you, the grass on your grave would already be knee-high." Li Yuehua patted Luo Fei to calm him down. "Here, take these seeds to the Xi family."

"Ah? Again?" Luo Fei took a small gray cloth pouch, opened it, and saw several types of seeds carefully separated by cloth strips sewn inside.

"They need to be planted soon. And where’s the basket for steamed buns? Why haven’t you brought it back? Your big brother still needs food later. Go, and bring it back while you’re at it." Li Yuehua patted Luo Fei. "Hurry up."

"Does he even know how to plant them?" Luo Fei rolled his eyes and muttered as he walked out.

It was the same road he had taken that morning, the same aggressive knocking on the door. Luo Fei stepped into the Xi family's yard and plopped down onto a small stool. "Here."

"What is it?"

"Vegetable seeds." Luo Fei raised an eyebrow after speaking. "And what are you up to?" There were now several arm-thick wooden logs in the yard that weren’t there in the morning.

"The farming tools broke. Fixing them to reuse." Xi Yanqing took the seeds. "Your family is about to start farming too, right?"

"Yeah. I have to say, you're adapting pretty fast, even faster than me." Seeing Xi Yanqing’s setup, Luo Fei felt like he was seriously planning to settle down here. "But do you even know how to farm? If not, I suggest you consider another livelihood. Otherwise, you might starve to death. And forget about dowry—my family is dirt poor."

"My major was agriculture, and besides…" Xi Yanqing pointed to his forehead. "I have the original owner's memories, so this isn’t difficult for me."

"Good for you. Damn it, why did I choose to study acting?" Luo Fei had once dreamed of making it big in the entertainment industry. In the modern world, celebrities were treated like royalty, but in ancient times, actors had the lowest status. Oh, wait, they weren’t called actors here—they were probably called "theater performers."

"No worries, you’ve gained an extra career path after coming here." Xi Yanqing joked. "You still have the chance to choose a good husband."

"Screw you!" Luo Fei jumped up. "Where’s my mantou (steamed bun) basket? Give it to me! I need to take it back."

"Not staying a little longer?"

"Are you calling off the engagement? If you are, then I’d be more than happy to stay longer."

"Have you solved the toilet paper issue yet?"

"Shut up!" Just thinking about the morning’s ordeal—spending hours carving something only to be too scared to use it—made Luo Fei furious! He snatched the basket from Xi Yanqing’s hands and stomped off.

"Luo Fei!" Xi Yanqing suddenly called after him. "I’m serious. Think about it carefully. At least we have common ground. And I can promise you… If you marry into my family, I’ll make sure you can wash your butt anytime, anywhere."

"Screw you, damn it!" Luo Fei slammed the door shut with a loud bang. He stormed away like he had eaten gunpowder.

As much as he hated to admit it, why couldn’t the person who transmigrated with him be his male god?! Damn you, heavens!

If he had known this would happen, he never would’ve studied acting!

Originally, Luo Fei had wanted to study design, but his aunt sweet-talked him into performing arts. Plus, he did have some talent for acting, and he looked good, so he impulsively chose to attend the Film Academy. His idol, Liang Boyuan, was the campus heartthrob—handsome, academically excellent, and top of the class in his major. Many people liked him.

Luo Fei was one of them and had been working up the courage to confess.

Then, one day, he accidentally saw Xi Yanqing and Liang Boyuan hugging. When he confronted Liang Boyuan, his male god didn’t deny their relationship. It felt like watching a good cabbage being eaten by a pig—infuriating!

Okay, to be fair, the "pig" was pretty good-looking, but still! It wasn’t him!

"We have common ground, huh? My ass! Once a love rival, always a love rival!" Luo Fei grumbled as he returned home. Seeing no one in the kitchen, he slammed the basket onto the counter. But he used too much force, and—uh-oh—he felt something sinking inside him.

Crap, bathroom time!

Luo Fei instantly recalled the wooden stick he had carved earlier. As someone with mild OCD, he had to choose between using the "public" one or the risk of getting cut. Without hesitation, he picked the latter.

The price of that impulsive decision? He got cut.

Luo Yi was cleaning the chicken coop when he suddenly heard a blood-curdling scream: "Awooo~~!" He ran to the outhouse door. "What happened?! Er Ge, are you okay?"

"I’m fine!" Luo Fei forced himself to act tough as he walked out. "Just got poked by a splinter on the door." He had to find an excuse. No way was he admitting he got hurt wiping his own butt.

"Good, you scared me." Luo Yi went back to work.

Luo Fei let out a breath of relief and slowly walked back inside, not realizing that the wood he used wasn’t meant for toilet sticks.

Even Xi Yanqing didn’t know—Luo Fei spent the rest of the day hissing in pain.

Fearing another trip to the toilet, he even ate less at dinner and moved around gingerly, looking troubled. But to his loving parents, Luo Tian and Li Yuehua, this looked like he was still heartbroken over that scumbag Zhang Yangfan.

"Luo Tian, this won’t do," Li Yuehua said that night when the kids were asleep.

"What do we do then?"

"Here’s the plan…" Li Yuehua whispered to Luo Tian for a long time. "What do you think?"

"Are you willing to?" Luo Tian looked at his wife in slight surprise, as if he hadn't expected her to have such a thought.

"I'm willing. As the old saying goes, 'You can't catch a wolf without sacrificing a child!'" Li Yuehua said firmly. "We must be willing!"

"Alright! We'll do as you say!"

In the west room, Luo Fei, who had been sleeping soundly, suddenly sneezed for no apparent reason.

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