ASSATS Chapter 3

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09

A disharmonious sex life is the biggest enemy of a romantic relationship.

To solve this issue, Lin Sen began observing Su Lan’s daily routine.

He found that Su Lan slept for about twenty hours a day. The remaining time was split into three hours of eating slowly, and one hour of slowly using the bathroom and bathing. The longest period of wakefulness was during meals and baths, where Su Lan could stay awake for half an hour straight.

But no matter what, Su Lan never set aside time for intimacy!

One day, after waking up, Su Lan sat at the table, eating slowly. Lin Sen watched him expectantly, hoping he would remember last night’s activities.

Even a dream about it would be considered interaction.

But all Su Lan did was take thirty seconds to rub his own butt twice and say: “My… butt… hurts… a… little…”

Lin Sen: “…”

Su Lan quickly let it go: “It’s… fine… let’s… eat… first…”

This was beyond awkward.

Lin Sen: “You might be fine, but I have a problem.”

Su Lan slowly looked up: “Mmm—?”

Lin Sen blurted out in frustration: “We’ve been together for so long, and we’ve never had a proper session. You’re always sleeping.”

Su Lan slowly pouted, lowered his head, and murmured: “S-sorry… I’m… too… lazy…”

Seeing Su Lan’s pitiful expression, Lin Sen’s frustration disappeared instantly. He quickly scooped the little sloth into his arms and placed him on his lap, coaxing him with a drumstick: “Even if you’re lazy, I still love you.”

Su Lan stared pitifully at the drumstick, gulping: “You… don’t… love… me… anymore…”

Lin Sen kissed his frowning face hard: “Of course I love you. When I was still a tree, I loved it when you clung to me and slept.”

That little fluffy sloth, trusting and relying on him completely.

That sense of being needed, of being depended on, was like warm water flowing through his phloem, nourishing him, making his ancient tree heart beat for the first time.

You are my heart…

How could I not love you?

Lin Sen buried his face in Su Lan’s soft hair, feeding him chicken as he watched his little mouth chew slowly. His cheeks moved at an unhurried pace. Lin Sen sighed in helpless affection.

Disharmony be damned.

Back when he was a tree, he didn’t even have a certain part of his anatomy. Now that he had one, he should just be grateful.

10

Su Lan, having eaten his fill, curled up in Lin Sen's arms and fell asleep again.

Lin Sen held the little thing in his arms tightly, picked up his phone, and casually opened the forum where he had last posted.

Whenever he had free time, he often visited these places to read all kinds of human gossip, study human psychology, observe human life, and stay updated on internet trends. Whether it was mother-in-law versus daughter-in-law drama, mistresses fighting with wives, or gossip exposés, he read a bit of everything—just to avoid slipping up and being seen as an outsider.

His last post had already gone viral, marked with a small "hot" tag next to the title. Everyone in the comments was laughing and discussing the possibility of a sloth turning into a spirit.

Lin Sen shook his head with a smile and was about to close the page when he suddenly noticed a reply:

"OP, are you stupid? Isn't there also three hours for eating and one hour for bathing? Isn't four hours enough for you to f***? Who says you can't do it while eating or bathing?"

Like a dreamer suddenly awakened.

Lin Sen was dumbfounded, and with a plop, his phone slipped from his hand and fell to the ground.

11

The next day, Su Lan was sitting at the table, slowly eating his meal, when Lin Sen suddenly walked over, picked him up, and placed him on his lap. Without a word, he pulled down the little sloth’s pants.

Su Lan slowly covered his burning face with a big round bun: "Wha…what… are you doing…"

Lin Sen bit his small white ear and murmured seductively: "I'm going to f*** you."

Su Lan whispered daringly: "Okay…"

Lin Sen adjusted his position, keeping Su Lan seated on his lap, then impatiently thrust his hips forward.

Su Lan let out a pleasant-sounding cry, his hand trembled, and the large round bread fell.

Su Lan slowly bent down to pick it up, making the scenery behind him even more visible.

Lin Sen became even more excited, panting as he asked, "Feels good, baby?"

Su Lan carefully held the large round bread with his slender, fair hands, took a bite, chewed for a while, and then lazily said, "So... good..."

Although the scene was somewhat awkward, Lin Sen was already satisfied and didn’t ask for more. He patted Su Lan on the body and said, "Call me hubby."

Su Lan pursed his lips, slowly took a sip of milk, and with milk foam still on his lips, sweetly called out, "Hub...by..."

Lin Sen was so moved that he almost shed tears and wished he could send money to the enthusiastic netizen who had given him advice!

Su Lan continued gulping down the milk while eating bread, while Lin Sen pounded away like a piling machine.

At the moment of release, Lin Sen gasped emotionally, "Uh... I'm about to go, together."

Su Lan smiled shyly and said slowly, "I... already... went... but... this... time... I... lasted... six... counts..."

Lin Sen: "..."

Su Lan slowly pointed at himself, "Aren't... I... pretty... lasting... for... a... sloth...?"

Lin Sen burst out laughing, ruffled Su Lan's hair with his large hand, and said, "Yes, yes, you're the most lasting one."

12

Having unlocked the door to a new world, Lin Sen simply couldn't stop.

After breakfast, Su Lan usually liked to take a bath before going to sleep.

Lin Sen filled the bathtub with water, carried Su Lan to the bathroom, and placed the little naked sloth into the tub. Then, he got in as well.

Su Lan looked innocent: "So... cramped..."

Lin Sen reached his hand somewhere and smirked mischievously: "This part is also cramped."

Su Lan was stunned for five seconds before reacting, "You're... so... bad..."

And so, Lin Sen once again indulged in a satisfying bathroom play!

Life as a sloth had truly become complete.

Finally, the exhausted Su Lan dozed off in the bathtub as expected. Lin Sen cleaned him up, hummed a little tune, carried him back to the bedroom, placed him on the bed, and then lay down, wrapping the little sloth completely in his arms.

Their peaceful and love-filled heartbeats thumped together.

Just like every night from long, long ago.

The damp, hot wind fell from the sky, stirring the rainforest’s amber-like air.

The tree crowns swayed under the pressure of the wind, making a soft rustling sound, like an ancient tree singing a ballad.

A little sloth lying on a tree listened to the sound, peacefully closed its eyes, and its tiny heart thumped inside its chest.

Thump, thump...

Thump, thump...

Thump, thump...

No one knew exactly when it began, but the ancient tree's heartbeat and the little sloth’s heartbeat had started to silently resonate...

The first stroke of the story began there, written in invisible ink on the leaves, stroke by stroke.

Time is warm, and the years remain silent.

T/N: Please give support on my ko-fi page, thank you🌸🌸🌸