AHEIAID Chapter 40: If There's No Sunshot, I'm Not Watching
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"I feel like I've lost my lower body. Seriously."
"You will never understand what I’ve been through."
"If I had to describe it with idioms, it would be: ‘straight to the stomach,’ ‘piercing through the end,’ ‘dying and coming back to life,’ and ‘crying to the heavens and wailing to the earth.’"
"…Halfway through, I saw countless flashbacks of my past life—my mom taking away my New Year’s money when I was three, the girl in front of me who had a crush on me when I was ten, my ripped jeans and underwear from climbing the school’s barbed wire fence when I was eighteen…"
【…You are in your past life right now, thank you.】
"No, it’s not the same… It’s not the same…"
Lying flat on the bed, Joey stared at the ceiling with swollen red eyes, mumbling.
"I'm not pure anymore. I feel like my ass has turned into a wormhole—no, an assholehole, big enough for a spaceship to warp through. Wait, do I still even have an ass? I can’t feel it anymore."
"…"
The system watched speechlessly as he clutched a small bouquet of white flowers against his stomach, acting like he had been dead for years.
(He even struggled to pull those flowers out of the bedside vase just for dramatic effect.)
"Oh, and one more thing."
Joey blinked slowly, suddenly remembering something. He turned to the system and said seriously, "Turn on the music for me."
He let out a miserable chuckle. "It’s time for some NetEase Cloud Depressive Music."
The system: …
The system really played a sorrowful song for him. As Joey listened, his eyes gradually welled up with tears.
"I was so foolish. So, so foolish. I only knew that thing was for shitting, but I never knew… it could eat things too."
The system: …
"If heaven could give me another chance, I would definitely find Garius’ attending physician and tell him—"
Joey's expression twisted in agony.
"Damn it, I agree to donate! Amputation is fine! Just leave me a quarter!"
"…"
The system's mouth twitched. It decided to shut down and take a break, ignoring this lunatic.
But just because the system wanted peace didn’t mean Joey would let go of the only audience he had—especially after realizing something suspicious.
"Hey, System~" Joey narrowed his swollen eyes. "Shouldn't you explain what's really going on?"
The system paused, pretending to be confused. 【What do you mean?】
"Hah." Joey sneered. "Still pretending?"
"What’s with that ‘able to give birth’ comment? Why didn’t anyone oppose my marriage with Garius? And why did you, of all people, who always prioritize reproduction tasks, actually support me marrying my dad without warning me? System~ do you want a complaint? Or a complaint? Hm?"
Damn, did Garius break all your meridians open or something?
The system muttered in its head before quickly changing its attitude. It rubbed its hands and chuckled awkwardly. "Well, uh, let me explain."
Joey hummed coldly. "Go on."
The system hesitated for a long moment before finally spitting out:
"Actually… you and Garius…"
"Mm."
"You can give birth too…"
"Mm… Mm??!! What the f* did you just say?!!"**
Joey's hand trembled so hard that he nearly crushed the flowers into mush. His black dog-like eyes widened in disbelief as he attempted to sit up, only to be hit with a wave of pain. He gasped, collapsing weakly back into the bed.
"Oh f*—my lower half—"**
The system panicked when it saw him accidentally pulling at his wounds and quickly tried to calm him down.
"Don't get too worked up yet, just listen to me first."
Hearing that, Joey shakily clutched his backside, his heart pounding so hard it felt like it was about to leap out of his throat. His chest heaved violently, and he stared at the air in front of him as if it were the system’s stupid face. He ground his teeth and spat out a single word:
"Talk!"
Seeing that Joey was genuinely furious, the system got nervous and confessed everything.
As it turned out, the so-called "Ottomans" claimed to be the fourth-generation of "new humans" and insisted they were no different from regular humans.
But that was a damn lie.
In reality, their genetic similarity to humans was only around 8%, and that 8% was purely in their outward appearance.
They still looked human, sure. But after billions of years of evolution, who could guarantee they'd stay the same?
Even Psyducks evolve, for f***’s sake.
Let alone people?
Their very name implied it—humanity had undergone four evolutionary leaps, and they were far from what they used to be.
Like a rotting apple that looks fine on the outside—by the time you notice the black spot, the inside has already gone bad.
The Ottomans were taller than humans, with lean yet elegant physiques. Their muscles were perfectly distributed over their bones, making them neither too skinny nor overly massive—more like evolved feline creatures, graceful and powerful.
Beneath that exterior, though, their bone density, flexibility, and internal structure were completely different from normal humans.
After all… which human could see clearly in the dark?
Which human could walk through toxic swamps without any protective gear?
With so many changes in their biology, of course their reproductive system had evolved too.
For example—
The system pulled up two comparison diagrams.
"The one on the left, looking all innocent and simple, is a human's. The one on the right—slightly bigger, with tiny tendrils—is an Ottoman’s."
Ottoman reproductive cells didn't need a uterus to develop. Instead, they would latch onto the host’s body, competing against each other until the strongest one survived. Then, using the host’s nutrients, it would grow gradually inside them.
It was less like traditional reproduction… and more like parasitism.
(Just similar! Not entirely the same! the system quickly clarified.)
Once it finished explaining, the system nervously waited for Joey to process everything.
Joey stared blankly for a long moment. Then, his eyes bulged.
"So… I—I—I—I can get pregnant too?!"
【Mm.】 The system answered in a tiny voice.
"………………"
Oh. My. God.
Joey clutched his spinning head.
"If I squat on the toilet for half an hour right now, can I still flush it out?!!!"
Pregnancy?! No way! No f***ing way!!!
In his mind, a vast prairie of alpacas thundered across the horizon, kicking up dust as they trampled over his sanity. Joey was like a rag, his dignity and soul wrung dry, lying lifelessly on the bed.
Then, after a long silence—he suddenly snapped out of it and turned to interrogate the system.
"…When the f* did you find out about this?!"**
【When you said the affection levels seemed off, I went to ask the senior system who lent me the affection meter plugin… And that’s when they told me.】
"Wait, wait, wait—your affection system was borrowed?!"
【…Mm.】
The system weakly nodded, sneaking a glance at Joey’s face.
Joey, from head to toe, turned completely pale. Two hot tears rolled down his cheeks.
"System, you've fed me over! You've fed me over so bad!!!"
"………………"
The system shrank its neck, not daring to make a sound.
It wasn’t that it didn’t want to take responsibility—but the rice was already cooked, and the water couldn’t be taken back.
Joey, trembling, placed a hand over his lower abdomen. He simply couldn’t accept the idea of something growing inside him.
With a desperate glimmer of hope, he started counting on his fingers.
Once. Twice. Three times. Four times. Five times…
After counting the first day’s occurrences, he moved on to the second day. Halfway through, his neck stiffened.
Sh*t. No hope.
Absolutely hit the jackpot.
Joey quietly shed tears.
Just then, the bedroom door opened.
Even though his break was short, the newlywed Lord Heine couldn’t bear to leave his spouse alone for too long. He returned from the study, carrying a small bowl of steaming, fragrant, creamy soup.
The tall, handsome man—whose nose had already been bitten and hair yanked out by a certain someone—approached with a softened, gentle expression. His icy demeanor melted away as he gazed down at the small human lying in bed, refusing to look at him or speak.
"It was my fault. Let me feed you something, okay? Lucian made this especially for you, worried that your mood might affect your appetite."
Joey huffed and turned his head to glare at him.
When he saw the ridiculous bite marks still imprinted on Heine’s nose, his mood slightly improved.
"Oh? And what exactly was your mistake?"
"I wasn't… passionate enough. I wasn't… lasting enough—"
The rest of his words were swallowed by Joey’s deadly glare.
Hah. Ha ha ha. Not lasting enough? Not passionate enough?!
Do you want me to smash this bowl on your f*ing head?!**
You nearly fing embedded me into the wall, and you think that wasn't passionate enough?! Huh?! Why the f** didn’t they send you to shoot down the sun in ancient times, huh?!**
Do you even realize you could generate electricity at this point?!
The moment he thought about it, Joey felt the urge to cry again.
Heine, mistaking his reaction for sadness, leaned in and kissed his face for a long time, murmuring reassurances. Joey, overwhelmed, finally shoved the well-dressed beast away and angrily hugged the bowl, shoveling food into his mouth.
While eating, he mumbled furiously, "You have no idea what I sacrificed for you. Oh, hahaha, you all knew… but I didn’t…!!!"
Watching Joey regain his energy and grumble nonstop, Heine’s slender, pale fingers reached out and wiped his chin.
"Eat more. You need to keep up your nutrition these days."
"Pfft—!"
Joey choked on his soup and turned red, glaring at him.
Damn it, don’t f*ing mention nutrition to me!!!**
T/N: Please give support on my ko-fi page, thank you🍊🍊🍊
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